just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
