I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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