she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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