I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
