is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I didn't shave. On purpose
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
