Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
