I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
