Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
