Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
