I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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