Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
