"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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