My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
