whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
