i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
