there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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