Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
