Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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