That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
