Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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