he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
