he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
