Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
