just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
