Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
