me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
