Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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