She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
