Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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