420 ftw
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
