I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
