I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
