I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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