why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
