yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
