The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
did you just send me my own nude
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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