But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
