If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
