this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
