so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
