Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
