You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
