I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
