Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
