What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
