is your mom at the bar?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
