I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
