It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
