Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
