I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
